I am a Ghost

Sick of hurting and crying. Sick of being sick.
Sure there are good days, but so few any more.
Just when things start getting really nice…
Something destroys it all
whether it is a physical crash
or an emotional one
Or someone hurting me.

I am a person too. I have feelings
Just because I don’t always show every emotion
in front of you
doesn’t mean I don’t feel or don’t cry.
It doesn’t mean I don’t hurt.
I am hurting.
I tried so hard and did so well today…
But it was in vain because I still ended up in tears
Because I “don’t care”

Some days I want to quit
A lot of days I want to quit
I have been holding on for so damn long
My body is getting exhausted
from holding on

My life feels like it grows more and more
each day that I exist
But my body continues
to hold on
even through it’s exhaustion and anguish.
I just wish I was the person everyone wants me to be
and that I did everything to make everyone happy
and never hurt or were sad myself.

It’s like you don’t know me.
You tell me things other people are doing
Like it’s amazing
I have been doing this or that thing forever
or have tried that before myself
but it never mattered
When I did it

I get about 3 seconds- no more.

I feel invisible.
Like I am dead
and when I annoy you
I feel like a ghost just haunting you

I wish I was that ghost
then maybe it wouldn’t hurt me
To feel the way I feel so often


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