For a change I feel a little more positive but not because of any of this medical stuff or the doctors, in fact I feel discouraged about that and I feel like I will as usual get nowhere with that. I do however feel positive in my life outside the medical BS and I am not sure why. Maybe it’s a mood swing I don’t know but I am going to roll with it. Maybe it was the advice I have been getting from loved ones finally sinking in I don’t know. Sometimes you do need to realize that your parents are right with some of what they say and not fight it so hard. I am learning especially about those you can involve in your life and can count on to be there for you. Not many will be there if any at all. It just goes back to realizing this and not being a child anymore even if it does hurt.

OK So tomorrow I get the pleasure of returning to my specialist. I don’t know where any of this will get me but I feel this is my last ditch effort at trying to figure things out. I notice some improvement with my thyroid medication but only very small things have improved, things that were not bothering me so much but it is nice to not feel like everything inside and out is falling apart. I can no longer sleep through the night. If I am not waking in pain, I am waking also or just because I have to pee constantly. It would be nice to sleep all night without needing to do that or to feel pain. My nephrologist seems great but I am a puzzle, I always have been so we will see what he comes up with. Still taking potassium daily and having pain in my kidney areas. Nothing like the stone pain from years ago as this feels different.

I did make an appointment with Mayo but it looks like that won’t be working out. It is just too expensive to stay in a hotel down there for us. I was hoping they would be able to piece together the mystery since they are so good at that but God has a reason for things not working out I suppose. The other night was rather interesting. For living in a partial rural area you wouldn’t think we would, but heard gunshots and this was I think the second time this has happened. Now I probably would have let it go other than the fact the shots sounded as if they were outside my front door. By the time the operator on 911 answered she heard the final shot as we were talking. So I asked that the police be sent round just to make sure everything was OK. With some idiot firing a gun that close I was afraid a stray bullet would fly into the wall and hit my daughter. Anyway… Never thought where I lived would something like that happen, and happen esp. more than once. We live nowhere near the city but hey this is the country…. sort of. Either way I did not spend much time sleeping that night.


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