Acceptance as it is

Today is not going to be a good day. I spent most of the night trying my hardest to sleep with hardly any results. My knees hurt so bad I was almost in tears. Bad dreams all night…

This morning I have a terrible upset stomach, nausea and I am trying so hard not to throw up. Just the smell of food is making me more incredibly sick. The bad part is I usually eat with my morning meds. I can hardly drink anything I feel so nauseated. Yuck. My legs feel all wobbly and weak too.

I wish the smell of the food in here would dissipate…. I couldn’t eat the breakfast hubby made for me. In fact I hardly eat at all most days. I am tired of feeling weak or in pain and some days having a swollen face. It gets so tiring fighting everything all of the time. I want to win this dammit.

The good news is I am doing well on the new medicine for the bipolar. I feel better than I was feeling for a long time. I sure hope it isn’t a cycle or fluke I am going through now but I have high hopes that it is improvement and I will once again have mood stability for awhile. Especially considering most of my friends don’t have mental illness and probably find me loony toons. I know I have scared most of the people in my life away and this makes me very sad.

I must learn to accept myself as I am and accept others as they are.


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