Trying to Bounce Back

Nothing short of extreme physical pain this weekend which has me real down tonight. I am tired too. I am so fatigued and tired. I spent around 13-15 of the last 24 hours sleeping of course it was all broken sleep here and there due to pain. I don’t think I have ever had pain this bad that has woken me on so many occasions. I don’t remember my post surgical pain being this bad when the medicine wore off at times. Either way… the world is still spinning.

I don’t want this fatigue to come back and I don’t know why it is. I have been taking all of my medicine including the crap for my potassium issues. It doesn’t make sense. I thought for sure this would all be over for me once I started sticking with some treatment. Well it has been over a month and now I feel like I am backtracking. Yeah I know… same thing I always do, complain.

I watched a few movies this weekend to kind of de-stress and forget things. I managed to get so involved in the stories I found myself crying in parts and at ends. Still have a resonating headache from the end of a movie earlier this evening. My heart bleeds for the romance I see in some of these movies. I want so much to feel their passion in my life. To feel everything they feel, all the strong love- to die for the other. I know I would die for my spouse. Take a bullet if I had to. I wonder often if he feels this way about me. Should I know already whether he feels this way? Does it make it worse that I don’t know whether he would or not? Is it human to not want to do that for someone? Am I really that insane to think I should because I feel that much love?

I am so tired. I don’t want to do anything but sleep now but when I do try to sleep I hurt. It is really starting to depress me. I am having a hard time maintaining a mood without a quick switch and I mean it is a quick switch- faster than a millionth of a second if that even makes sense. I don’t know anything that makes sense at all anymore. Maybe I am just majorly sleep deprived. This weekend was terrible.

Tomorrow is another day. I will hang onto that for now.


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