My heart was breaking just a little more today.. I never thought someone could break your heart so much to actually cause almost a physical ache in your chest but maybe it’s the one you love the most that can cause the most heartache. I feel like he is pulling farther away from me every day. Sometimes I wonder if he has regrets and quite possibly hates me at times. I really hope this is all an irrational paranoia invading my brain and perhaps low self esteem arriving again.

I cried and I wanted to cry longer but time wouldn’t permit. I knew anyway if I hadn’t stopped it would have ended up a very large sobbing/crying time that could have easily lasted an hour. The odd thing is when that happens sometimes I can’t stop because I get this vicious cycle going in my mind about my life.. and the rest is history. Maybe this happens because I hold back over and over every day until I reach my breaking point, I have no idea.

Five more days then follow-up on my new medication and possibly an addition. I probably need it, Lord knows I am obviously still fending off depression. I guess it never ends.

An additional note: Obviously that lift in my mood was very short lived and meant nothing. With how switchy my moods are anymore that really doesn’t surprise me.


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