I read something. It is supposed to be encouraging, inspirational and just overall make you feel better. Instead I feel uneducated, unintelligent, amateurish and child-like. Who was I to think I could inspire or help others? The ramblings I post probably sound like the ramblings of a complete lunatic and maybe that is what I really am. How dare I use that word! For someone who has always unaccepted stigma in society I disgust myself for calling myself crazy or a lunatic. Why should I be allowed to use those harsh derogatory terms against myself when others should not be using them in regards to anyone? Who AM I? NO ONE. Just another insignificant human walking this earth no more deserving then another. I use those words against myself because I know their harsh qualities and I deserve to be punished. Punished for being inadequate. I have done absolutely nothing with my life other then create chaos, a lot of debt and have only a few college credits. I have a friend who says the young people of our age have enormous pressure to change the world- to make it perfect. I think she is right because I never feel like I am doing enough. Is being a mom and wife enough? It should be because this is MY life, no one else’s. I should accept my life. I should accept that I am not perfect but I am human and I have to deal with the ramblings of society blaring into my brain. No I will never accept I am not perfect and that it is OK to not be perfect.
So I feel uneducated and a bit amateurish because I suppose I am. I follow my heart and my intuition. I follow my gut instincts. I follow my faith and keep my hope. I may never become anything special to the world but I hope I am at least something special to those who know me and those somehow intertwined in my life. I want to leave a mark on this world but it can be simple, something as simple as love to those who knew me.