Other

Need my Kill Switch

Insight is killing me. The more insight I gain the more I fight with my thoughts and the stronger I have to be but I feel weaker. I don’t feel like I can be stronger. When I learn more about what is my illness and what is just me I can’t fight the illness when I need to. I am tired of fighting thoughts in my head every day. Thinking I am worth nothing and not needed in this world and then turning that around with insight knowing it is my illness talking because of course my daughter needs me in this world. My husband and she certainly want me in this world or they wouldn’t live with me. I am so tired of the turmoil in my head. No one to talk to about this because it just creates more turning this or that around and more talking about insight. I AM TIRED. I need a break from my brain. PLEASE shut it off just for awhile… Maybe this is insight telling me I am having racing thoughts again… maybe. (I think a light bulb just went off in my brain.) Dammit more insight. I wish the wheels would stop turning. OMG I need a kill switch- just a temporary shut off valve. Something. I haven’t dealt with this for a very long time. Insight at this point I am not sure is hindsight. My brain is wearing me thin.

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