The Pain isn’t Healing… Does it Ever?

I’m falling apart…

I got a temporary mood lift and so it went down the toilet. I am not worth anything. This existence is ridiculous that I call my life. I am so tired of doing things and never getting credit for doing them or trying. I hate my life. I can’t ever do anything right for anyone including myself. God I feel so helpless and hopeless. I am so tired of never doing the right thing. Everywhere I turn I somehow screw something up. I guess I need to suck it up, suck up everything and somehow act like everyone else. Be the normal person. Somehow figure out how to act and feel like everyone else out there. I HATE MYSELF. I could give a shit less if that is attractive or not. I am sick to death of trying to satisfy everyone else. I can’t even satisfy myself. I take care of the laundry, take out the trash that is forgotten, run here and there and everywhere when I am so depressed I want to drive into a brick wall but I do it all even through intense emotional and physical pain but does anyone realize how hard this is for me? No. And does anyone care? No. I take care of the dirty dishes when the dishwasher is completely empty! I am always taken for granted. Always, and my entire life I have lived taken for granted. No one gets it and no one ever will. Nothing I have ever done has been good enough for anyone.

Three wishes mr. therapist? You don’t want to know my three wishes and right now I only need one. Screw taking these destructive thoughts apart. Nothing has a point and analyzing my thoughts will never bring about change. I am going to spend the rest of my life being completely not understood.


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