Other

Daily notes I suppose

So um yeah. Had my second infusion yesterday which went amazingly well and much better than last time. Not to mention it helped me sleep a little better. I still cannot get well rested even now. I know a lot of people do not read or like my blog because it is serious but this is about my brain and my body and well it’s serious. Sorry I cannot always be positive, what human can be? A cyborg? I try my best to live with hope and some laughter. I want others to understand in some way what it is like to be chronically ill and having illnesses that include invisible ones. Invisible ones are those you cannot see on me physically. They live inside my body and wreak havoc. It honestly is hard to have them- to live with them and have others want to be around you. Honestly I wish people gravitated towards compassion rather than only those who make them feel a specific way if that makes sense. I guess that is why the world is the way it is. I have people in my life, those who care and are important to me. No one would understand in any way without loving someone chronically ill in any manner- mentally or physically (even both). I also guess humans were just not built in the manner to be compassionate or understanding to others who are different and that is sad. People seem to be very narcissistic anymore which is also sad and seems to be the way the generations are becoming. Others are judged by their outsides initially then their insides. It’s sad but it’s the human condition.

Yea I feel negative at the moment and it seems to be the time I blog because shit if I was happy or manic I would be out and not blogging. My life is a mess right now and trying to fix it is draining me entirely. Honestly I am not sure I will make it through in one piece if at all. The problems we are having are the ones that do me in most times and I feel desperate. It’s all about trying to manage finances.. I had it, I did and then I lost that. One slip up creates a chain reaction and havoc. Sometimes I want to crawl into a corner and cry for awhile.

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