Wow fascination! Someone out there heard me. I spent a long time on the phone with some family and it was so nice. I had really missed talking to that person. It meant so much to get that phone call and to talk with them. I always felt like I was an embarrassment or something because I always felt snubbed and shunned. I am not going to question it just know out there whoever helped me I am grateful. It’s nice to feel loved just by having a conversation long over due.
Today has been a better day but I woke very tired. I was up late when I shouldn’t have been because being up late causes my bipolar to get out of whack as well as cause migraines but I am doing well for the most part today thankfully. My moods seem to be doing better although I do feel the urge to cry easily. Pain today has been very minimal and I think the infusions are really helping. I am worried though the week before my next one I will have an increase in pain. I have heard that happens I just hope I am not one of those who has it happen. After the next infusion I go to every 8 weeks. Hoping my infusions last that long. This seems to be by far the best biologic I have tried and I am ever so thankful to be on it! RA is getting it’s ass kicked each time and every day and I love it.
My grandpa is sick and from what I hear not doing well. I am worried and I really want to see him one more time soon. He lives far away so it’s hard for me to get down to see him. We lost grandma the same year as my little sister. That was not a good year at all and we are still not the same after losing my sister- never will be. God do I miss my sister daily. I didn’t live with her but knowing I can’t give her another hug or kiss tortures me some days. I hope there is a heaven and I am right that I will be able to see her again. I don’t like when others tell me God isn’t real because in my gut and soul I feel that He does exist. Not in the manner others see as we spend eternity worshiping Him. That sort of sounds silly to me but I do believe He exists and created us. What our purposes are and where we go I am not sure but I feel Him sometimes and just in my heart believe in Him. I wish some of those I loved believed it too because I want them to be in eternity with me after death. Scary as death is to me I hate wishing I was dead at times. It’s like I am out of my mind and then I come back thinking thank God I didn’t do it or go through with that spontaneous thought. I have in the past and thank God I am still alive. I hate being a spontaneous person because I have scared myself many many times.
Wishing all out there a pain free day, physically and/or mentally. Hang on to your hope.