I am hanging in there. Mood drops are common but not drastic ones. I have some new friends but even though they say I can reach out to them I feel I cannot. In the past this just hasn’t worked, so I maintain my secrecy of my thoughts, desires and dreams. And my nightmares. No one knows the real me it seems and it feels like no one wants to know. Should I care? Well I don’t know. I do though. Even my oldest friend I cannot fully reach out to. Maybe it’s a trust issue but in my experience people walk out of your life, especially when you start sharing secrets. People walk out of your life because they really don’t want to be involved. They don’t really want you to lean on them. They thought they did and it isn’t their fault. It’s hard to deal with others pain. You don’t know what to say or do sometimes but can I tell you a secret? Just don’t walk out of their lives and be that shoulder they need to cry on. That’s it. You don’t have to have the answers. Just be there.
I am feeling alone tonight. I feel alone every night. Night is when my demons come out and I am alone. I am weaker at night. Nightmares in my dreams as well as my mind while awake. How many of us have waking nightmares? I am so tired of nightmares while awake, reliving things in my mind over and over then my mind twisting my thoughts. Please no more nightmares and maybe some sleep tonight. Not sleeping for a week or two is killing me. I am alone in the dark, looking for a way out.