So I spent some time in the hospital. From Jan. 1 to Jan 4 and they seemed to have gotten me stable on my meds, only problem is my appetite is going crazy. I am always hungry!! I have to literally feel like I am starving so I don’t gain weight. I am even on an appetite suppressing medication from the doctor and it barely helps. Anyway.. it is nice to feel somewhat normal again although I feel like something was taken from me. Still no word on rescheduling my infusion and I am starting to be in a lot of pain. I called them twice with no result. So my mental pain is easing but my physical pain is increasing. My daughter and I went for a walk yesterday and played in the snow. I had a fun time but realized I need to do it more often.

I honestly miss having real friends nearby. Shoot I miss having my online friends. We just aren’t close like we used to be, neither online ones or real ones. It’s probably my fault for withdrawing. Most people don’t want anything to do with you when you are having an episode. I have been friends with one person for 15 years but we hardly talk now. She is busy living her life and I am sitting in this bubble where time moves around but I am stuck. I thought about going to a DBSA meeting but gas is so expensive now I don’t know that I will get the chance or maybe an EA meeting. I loved the EA meetings and they do them at the hospital but once again, gas is extremely expensive. I have to try. I have to get out of this house. It would be good for my daughter to get out as well.

We will see. I am in too much pain to finish this. I really need my infusion…..


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