Just another post

I hate my life. I am the worst person ever. FML.

It’s completely hard to move on when you don’t understand nor can tell who was right and who was wrong. It hurts when I mess up or lose a friendship if it’s my fault or not especially when they are no longer forgiving if you have done something wrong. I don’t understand and I never will what happened but my heart hurts because I take every friendship as very serious- the virtual or real.

I can’t do anything now about it and my life has just gotten more strange. My disease seems to be getting worse but I not dare admit this to loved ones. I live in constant fear when I lie down for bed at night. There is this shadow that keeps appearing and moving across my walls and ceiling. It scares me. I have never hallucinated visually only auditory type ones and I suppose that’s why it scares me- because I don’t know what or who this shadow is. I am suffering from nightmares night after night. I want the shadow to go away, I want the nightmares to stop and I want to be normal. I feel like I just constantly ruin everyone’s lives. When will someone understand me and my pain?

I don’t feel anyone ever will.


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