I pushed you away..you kept asking why I was (I couldn’t answer and I still can’t)

I effectively did it, didn’t I? I pushed you away. I had a good friendship going and I ruined it. When will I stop torturing myself over failed friendships? When will I stop letting guilt eat me alive? You asked me over and over why I was pushing you away and I couldn’t answer. I still cannot answer as to why. I am tired of being physically sick but also mentally sick. I can’t even be stressed because then my whole body feels like it’s falling apart. Everyone around me doesn’t know how to handle me. I am like a walking disease in itself. I am a walking disease. I emit sickness. It’s everywhere in me and around me. I am always full of negativity when it comes to myself. The glass is always half empty. Why? Maybe I was programmed before birth to be this way. No one gets it and maybe no one ever will. Everything is eating away at me. I am slowly disintegrating into nothingness. I don’t want to die but this will be the death of me. I don’t see myself being old. I do see the light of my life being dim, I never have shined brightly at least not that I can remember. Maybe… I just had a bad day, again.


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