Wasted Tears

I feel dead. I feel dead inside. I feel like I am walking around and no one can see me. I am tired of crying, of wasting tears over pain, over being sick. Over no one understanding my chronic pain. I am tired. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. Most days I want to die because I am tired of my pain yet I linger on. I don’t know that anyone even understands that feeling. I just don’t know. I am feeling completely let down…by people but I’m also sorry I am always in mental or physical pain. I didn’t ask to be sick. I don’t want to be sick. I just want someone to be there and to listen to me and to care- to actually care- not pretend they care. Learn about me! Learn about my illness and maybe learn more things to say. What happened to caring? What happened to love? What happened to empathy?


One thought on “Wasted Tears

  1. I understand and I care. I suck at showing it because I’m going through the same feelings, emotions, pain, and fears. I hide when it gets hard because I feel like “how can I be of use to anyone when I’m like this? I will only make them feel worse…” It’s all I can do to just get out of bed each morning. But I have to. A mom doesn’t have a choice. We have to keep going. Some days I feel like “what next?” like I have no idea where to turn or how I’ll find the energy. I just somehow do. You know my position on God, but I won’t preach to you. Just know that someone DOES care and Does understand even if she does suck at showing it.


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