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Crying in the Dark

Woke up at 4 this morning, crying in the dark unable to barely move the pain was so bad. The AS is winning. I can’t do this. I can’t do it every day. The pain is getting unbearable every morning. It’s worse and worse. God help me. I feel so defeated. Deflated every morning. Like someone has beaten me all night and used me as their punching bag. Music is the only outlet I have to the pain. That and crying it out. This morning, I woke ready to die. Ready to just want this all to stop forever. No more physical pain but God doesn’t apparently want that for me because I am still here breathing. I wonder how long, how long I will have to deal with this pain. Will I end up killing myself because I can’t deal with it? Will I find a solution first to this horrible pain from somewhere? It’s ripping me apart mentally and that is not good because mentally I already struggle some days. There are days I wish I would stop breathing but I keep on breathing… I am reaching out. I am trying. God knows I am trying, but are they listening?

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2 thoughts on “Crying in the Dark

  1. I can relate very much to what you are saying in this article. I felt that it was me who is talking. You are not alone in this. However, it always gets better at the end (and then worse again and then better…and the show goes on).

    Like

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