Random Thoughts

I am so sick of everything. I am sick and tired of fighting. Tired of fighting about the things I need to better my life and to better my daughter’s life. No one understands. I reach out and no one reaches back or at least the one I need to reach back the most pulls away. I am tired of being upset and tired of crying over all this. I am to the point where I am just fed up with everything. Can’t do it. Can’t do any of this anymore. I succeeded in what this blog was intended for. I am grateful that goal was finished. I finally completed something in my life. I am more at peace with that and happy I decided to do this blog. Maybe I should stop blogging, I don’t know. Maybe I should just quit everything and anything. I feel as if life is almost a waste of time, a waste of everything. I am always in pain, physical or mental and today it’s a terrible dark deep depression because I am in a constant battle. Sick to death of fighting back tears. Sick to death of fighting my racing thoughts and my fighting my depression and my own mind. This is stupid, just stupid. This whole post is ridiculous. I wish God would help me somehow. Maybe he is somehow indirectly and I am just not listening. I don’t know. I just know I love my daughter so much and even though my husband really makes me angry I love him intently too. I wish I was perfect for them. I wish i did the right things for them. Like I said above, I feel as if my life has been a waste. I just take up space on this Earth. I contribute nothing. Never have and never will. So many decisions to make anymore. Will post more again when I feel better.


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