Six Feet Under Before I’m Dead

Triggers, something I need to learn and learn and learn about. Well I know what they are. I just need to learn how to avoid them. I get myself into these situations all the time. I then end up feeling guilty, sad, angry, alone, anxious and like I have done something wrong. I never have been a leader and when I try to be a leader it always fails me. Why lead when I can’t lead? They always say how important it is to lead rather than follow well screw that. I always fail as a leader. I am sick of it. Sick of people. I am better off being anti social and hiding as a reclusive being. I should wear a cone of shame in the corner. I am so tired of guilt. I am so tired of anger. I am so tired of depression. I am tired of being angry in my dark despair! I am six feet under before I am really dead. There isn’t any positivity in my life no matter how hard I strive for it. Maybe some people just aren’t born to be positive? Maybe we balance out the rest of the crowd to maintain those from bouncing too high? Yin and Yang… that sort of thing…. Who knows. I don’t know what the heck I am saying half the time. I can’t lead, probably can’t follow, I guess that means I am pure original, and I don’t know if that is a necessarily bad or good. I just know I am sick of being depressed. Either kill me or lift me up cause I can’t fight this animal in my head anymore.


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