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hey you… yea you- with the “normal” brain

Am I really the thorn in everyone’s side? I am sick of being sick too. I have spent the last year of my life struggling to get through this depression. Trying my ass off to get well again but it isn’t good enough for anyone is it? They want immediate results- well bipolar doesn’t work that way, sorry. I am tired of being that nuisance too you know. It bothers me as well. I don’t enjoy making you miserable. I don’t enjoy being miserable either. I don’t enjoy crying. I don’t enjoy being anxious. I don’t enjoy the despair or darkness one bit. I don’t enjoy the crash after the lift. You can keep it all. What I wouldn’t give to be classified with a “normal” brain/mood that you all take for granted in your every day lives. It makes me sick. what I wouldn’t give to have a day where I didn’t think suicide was an option in the back of my brain, yet it sits there idling away toying with my head…it says: hey you, if things are really bad just take yourself out, I mean come on, you aren’t worth a damn anyway right? Distortion of thoughts is common and rumination/over analyzing is consistent. Yes, this is a very straight to the point honest blog but I think some people need to read it. depression and bipolar distorts our brains. Me? I have a bipolar brain, I am sick and I am tired of being the thorn in everyone’s side. So stop taking your normal lives for granted if you have a normal life please. You have no idea what it’s like to be self torturous.

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2 thoughts on “hey you… yea you- with the “normal” brain

  1. It is an awesome blog, but you are a real person, so it has to be what is in your heart when you right. I wonder sometimes though…. Does the thorn have the rose, or does the rose have the thorn? I keep you close in my prayers and understand your struggles the best way that I am able to. My mother taught me well the struggles of being bi polar. Stay true to your self and honest with others. Blessings to you.

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  2. This brought me into tears ….I hope ‘ordinary’ -and I prefer to use it rather than ‘normal’- understands the hell that we are going through….I am struggling to get my family understand that I am not happy too…and that I am too disappointed myself that I am disappointing. What really makes mental pain hard is that it is intangible. I hope people understand that what they see is the tip of the iceberg and things are much deeper than they think. (Hugs)

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