For about four or five years I spent my whole life living with hope and optimism. Then the last three years or so I lived in the darkest depths of despair and agony. I had lost my hope. I had lost my stability and piece of mind. I had to go off my lithium for my bipolar and at about the same time was diagnosed prematurely incorrectly with psoriatic arthritis. (two doctors later and two years later I received my ankylosing spondylitis diagnosis)
I have finally just regained my stability and my optimism again. There were times during those dark moments were I thought for sure I would never make it. I thought I would never take another breath nor get out of bed. Times when I would think ending my life was a far better choice. Hope is so important when you are ill. It can get you through the roughest, toughest moments when you would think there is no fight left in you. Hope is a lifeline for me, I have always needed it to survive my toughest times. It has gotten me through hospitalizations as well. When I have hope in my heart I feel so entirely full of life. Full of positivity and happiness. That’s how I feel now and it makes my physical and emotional pain lessen too. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be full of hope again. If I could bottle it up and give it away I certainly would..