I sacrifice and sacrifice whenever I can but I feel like no one sees. I am tired of being the middle child, even as an adult. It makes me sick. I love my mother but every time I turn around she makes decisions for my brothers and if those don’t work out she does what she does best for herself. I am never considered. I never have been by her. I remember realizing this when I was 12 and it never stopped from then on. Why I never have learned? Because she is my mother and I love her and I always have hope that one day, just one day I will be understood. It was always OK to leave me behind unless I was needed to help with something. Was I ever allowed to keep the things I wanted? No. Were my siblings? Yes. Sure this sounds like a jealousy post and you would be right in that. You yourself wouldn’t understand unless you knew the hell we went through growing up at times. I am sick of my place in this world. I have to forcefully get what I want and or need and my husband has never understood this but it goes way back to my childhood obviously. I spoil my daughter constantly and I am almost positive it’s because of the way I had been treated.
I am tired. I am tired of being ill physically, chronically and emotionally. I feel like no one in this world understands me and the people I want most to lean on do not care. No one in my life understands my emotional or physical pain. No one wakes up with me when I moan and cry from muscle or bone pain at 2 AM. My husband cannot stand to hear me speak more than 10 minutes after he gets home from work. He just wants to avoid everything. I am hurt. I feel like I have no one in this world. I wish I could make others understand, I wish others would understand but I feel so alone and lost anymore. No one understands in my life. I feel like this isn’t even coming across correctly. Feeling very misunderstood in this world.