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No one Understands my life- IN my life.

I sacrifice and sacrifice whenever I can but I feel like no one sees. I am tired of being the middle child, even as an adult. It makes me sick. I love my mother but every time I turn around she makes decisions for my brothers and if those don’t work out she does what she does best for herself. I am never considered. I never have been by her. I remember realizing this when I was 12 and it never stopped from then on. Why I never have learned? Because she is my mother and I love her and I always have hope that one day, just one day I will be understood. It was always OK to leave me behind unless I was needed to help with something. Was I ever allowed to keep the things I wanted? No. Were my siblings? Yes. Sure this sounds like a jealousy post and you would be right in that. You yourself wouldn’t understand unless you knew the hell we went through growing up at times. I am sick of my place in this world. I have to forcefully get what I want and or need and my husband has never understood this but it goes way back to my childhood obviously. I spoil my daughter constantly and I am almost positive it’s because of the way I had been treated.

I am tired. I am tired of being ill physically, chronically and emotionally. I feel like no one in this world understands me and the people I want most to lean on do not care. No one in my life understands my emotional or physical pain. No one wakes up with me when I moan and cry from muscle or bone pain at 2 AM. My husband cannot stand to hear me speak more than 10 minutes after he gets home from work. He just wants to avoid everything. I am hurt. I feel like I have no one in this world. I wish I could make others understand, I wish others would understand but I feel so alone and lost anymore. No one understands in my life. I feel like this isn’t even coming across correctly. Feeling very misunderstood in this world.

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One thought on “No one Understands my life- IN my life.

  1. I understand… my mother is just cruel to me and my husband doesn’t even seem like he likes me anymore! I feel very alone and trapped. I have a daughter who is 10 years old and a son who is 16 months my husband works nights and I sit home alone 5 nights a week and my mind just eats holes in my heart and soul. About 4 months ago I tried to kill myself by overdose and cutting my wrist. I locked myself inside my home and wrote 2 letters 1 for each child. Three days later I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was my mother who was in tears because no one could get in contact with me and she knew I was having a hard time. I screamed at her to get away from my house and stay out of my personal life. At the time I was angry not that she was there but that I was alive. I can’t deal with this disease and I’m going to lose the man that I love because he’s the only one I will talk to… yell at. My letters to my children explained that my heart was too big for this world and that I didn’t think anyone has ever really loved me. I told them that even tho I won’t be with them that they can grow up knowing that their mother truely loved them. Bipolar has turned my mind into my worst enemy and has started to ruin my life. You’re not alone and even if we can’t find the words to tell people how we are feeling inside that’s fine cause I feel like if they truely knew I would be outcasted even more then I feel now.

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