Stolen Breath and My Scarred Heart

Sometimes something happens in your life and it completely takes your breath away but it’s a good feeling and you don’t mind that moment of breath being stolen from you. Then when you least expect it, and you are trying to suck back in your next bit of air something happens that you least expect and it isn’t good- knocking you clean out. In those moments I have to take the time to stop everything and re-evaluate everything in my life and every choice I make from that point on. I don’t like having to constantly dissect everything and every choice but when you have a past like mine, dissecting everything becomes a necessity. This also becomes your life when you are a mother, especially a mother who has to play the role of mother and father. I have always put everyone in my life first, even people I didn’t know very well and at this time in my life I am starting to feel upset. I want to for once in my life be selfish and put MY needs first. I am tired of letting things go and being mistreated and being walked over. I have someone in my life who takes that breath away from me- who thus far has always treated me well and respected me. Someone who gives me a good feeling of pure happiness and makes me smile. In my marriage I did not get that good take your breath away feeling but yet that steal you away and knock you out cold bad feeling from negativity and depression. Now I can see and feel the difference. I honestly hope this true current feeling does last forever because I don’t think I could stand another heartbreak. My heart has so many breaks and scars it’s a wonder how it even stays together and manages to keep me alive.


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