Thoughts of You- of Love

Here lying beside you while you sleep I realize that so many of the problems that fester in my mind for hours day and night are so insignificant. All that matters is that I have you and that you love me so much, unconditionally and would do anything for me. Ironically I may have taught you the lessons of unconditional love but your heart is so genuine it didn’t take much. I never thought I would meet such a kind, caring soul that would accept me and all my flaws. Someone willing to steal the moon and stars for me not to mention accept unconditionally the broken pieces of mine as well as my daughter’s hearts. How someone can have understanding and compassion of this nature I don’t know and I’m not sure I will ever understand. Maybe it’s not meant for me to understand but to just accept. I cannot seem to wrap my head around anything most days. Everyday I ride a roller coaster it seems of a million emotions. Sometimes I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry but I do know our lives are full of interest and no day is ever the same. I know I wouldn’t trade our love for any other in the world. We are a match and when we get close the fire ignites. Kissing you and I do hear that music in my head. When you kiss me I never pull away first- I never want those kisses to end. I never want to leave your arms when you hug me. I know you love me, I hope it lasts for eternity and beyond.  I do feel like a caged bird being set free after captivity for so many years. Sometimes I lose control of myself and everything because I’m learning who I used to be all over again and that it’s ok to be me. I’m learning all over again how to be the outspoken, outgoing, assertive and honest person I once was that I was always proud of. I am ME again. I am FREE again. I have the most amazing man and the best family in this world. I do have really bad mental illness and some days are hard but they have always been there and continued to love me. I really am blessed and sometimes feel undeserving and probably will feel that way until I die. I will always love every one of them though. At night is when I realize either how tortured my soul feels or just how simple my problems are, how important my daughter and my man are and when he holds me my problems melt away-if only for a few hours. Sometimes I don’t think my heart can hold any more love and then it squeezes some more in and maybe mends some of the broken parts. Thank you God for giving me my daughter, for giving me my Johnny, and for my family. It’s funny how things turn out, when I first met my new best friend- never did I ever think almost a year later we would be in love and be at this point in our lives. I love you my John dear. May this last forever.


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