To My Husband (soon former)

I miss you and I loved you so much. I loved you all the years I knew you. I still love you and I think I always will. My commitment to you never ended. I wish so much I could go back in time and reverse all of those mistakes I made. I would chase you to the ends of the Earth even with all that happened but I know in my heart you wouldn’t want that so I let it rest and I stay put, trying to move on with my life. Some days I am doing great just accepting that I did have you in my life when I did and being grateful but some days and nights I wish I was there to hold you, kiss you and touch your face. I will never ever regret my years with you. I am grateful for the moments with you, the support you gave me when I needed it and your strength. Your hardworking strong hands I miss ever so much. I will never forget the times I watched you sleep and caressed your face and hair while you slept. I have many regrets and I ask that you forgive me for not being supportive enough to your needs, for not truly listening at times to what you really needed from me, and I apologize for always coming across as cold because in my heart I never was. I have gotten so much better at expressing my love, intimacy and maturity. As I said, I wish I had a time machine but some days I wonder if that would make a difference. Maybe you just wanted to move on and it had nothing to do with me however I do know that I did some things wrong and even if the case were for you to move on even after I had gone back in time to reverse my mistakes, well then that would be OK. Just so that I would know I didn’t hurt you.

It’s amazing how being absent from someone and after all the chaos of what happened has settled, how differently you perceive things that happened. When the heat of the bad emotions is gone your eyes open.

I love you. I always will. I miss you. I am working on forgiving myself and I am working on moving to another point in my life. I’d chase you to the ends of the Earth if I knew it would win you back. I will never ever forget you. I learned about true love, commitment, friendship and support. Thank you for being a part of my life. I am forever grateful. Thank you for our marriage and thank you for being there when my sister was killed, when my grandmother died and the numerous other times I needed you. Thank you sometimes just doesn’t sound like enough but it’s all I have to offer at this point.
Love Always,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s