I wrote this in about the span of 2 minutes max last night and I felt the desire to share it, especially with it being March. For me personally March is a very difficult month, for it brings back trauma my whole family went through and death. Not only one but two important ones this month (one 7 years ago and another just a few days ago). My other dad is in the hospital as well right now and I am praying they can help him get through this and to live just a little longer. He has stage 4 kidney cancer; it has metastasized throughout his body. It’s been difficult for my mood to start leveling out at this point because of all these triggers but I am doing OK again *fingers crossed*. I am on a brand new medication and different anxiety as needed meds and I seem to be doing well. Praying it continues. For those of you without mental illness, I would like you to know that meds do not cure us and make us whole and perfect again. The meds are there strictly to aid us in the process of getting well and staying well despite the thoughts or images (sometimes voices/hallucinations) that some of us get. They are only tools to keep us from going over the edge when we go through the past or trauma with our therapists’. So here’s something I wrote just because I think I was starting to get sad and well it was time for bed. My biggest hurdle is getting through the anxiety that starts the depression kick off! I hope you enjoy~

slice and dice she says, replicate she says
all in good time, all in good time my friend
Are you there my friend?
Do you see the replication my friend?
I have sliced and diced it
I have chosen my own manner
For it is I that is unique
No one will get it ever
Are you still there my friend?

But I am bleeding- pleading- why did you run away my friend?
I thought you cared my friend….
I thought you cared.
I’ll just make all this go away faster
She says with a sad expression,
No one cares anyway, and slicing is
way too slow….
So I’ll tie this rope
and be sure…
Be sure my friend you won’t
see me again.
KAJ 2014


2 thoughts on “Countenance

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