I’d Rather Die First

The death of me doesn’t matter
until I am dead
The death you never see coming
happens when you never see it coming
Death is a shock
a shock your heart never repairs from
You can be told ‘they’re in a better place’
but it doesn’t ease the ache in your heart
the ache in your stomach,
the feeling that all you want to do is stare
no eating, no sleeping until your body forces it

For awhile you want to join them
or wish it had been you and
Sure one day you go back to activity
but it’s not the same
It’s never the same
People see you the same
but you aren’t
inside you are breaking
And when you get home the tears come
The ones you hid from strangers and empty faces
the faces you wish knew; yet you are glad they don’t

Death is a shock to the brain,
the system and one you carry with you until your own death.
Life is never ever the same
To people you appear the same but there’s a piece
A piece missing
Like someone stole one of the most precious things
the irreplaceable person

It continues that way until you are dead however-
I’d rather die first.
KAJ ’14
Dedicated to all my parent’s who lost two children, for my little sister “Lizzie”, big brother “Francis”, and for a friend who just lost his daughter including her sister’s. My sincerest condolences to us all.


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