So, someone gave me another chance and I like that because I feel I deserve to prove I can be trusted. It all goes back to my hospitalization but that’s the past.
I felt tired today, more so than usual, and I think stress is taking a toll on me, but I am trying and I am not giving up or in. I know when my body needs to rest, to give in to it and let it rest. If I don’t, I pay for it later. Thank you fibro and AS. Mood-wise, I am feeling good. On and off I am afraid of things but I am working my way around my fears. When I slept today I had nightmares again. The nightmares are getting old; I’m very tired of them. This one was about my siblings and death. It included my father, too, but we were all okay by the time we woke, oddly enough. It was still very rattling. I didn’t appreciate it in not so many words. I don’t rest enough with nightmares and will be attending to sleep shortly once again. It’s so late and I don’t do well in the wee hours of the morning. My mind begins to wander to not-so-good thoughts so sleep is very important; not to mention I deteriorate physically from lack of sleep. I apologize if this sounds boring, but it’s the nature of chronic illnesses.
My borderline and bipolar are getting along in my head as of the moment. No tricks on my thoughts. I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel. I am so happy with my new life. Sure, sometimes I am sad, but my new life is blossoming into something I never expected and that’s a good thing. In my opinion it’s the Lord’s help but take it how you take it. The more you give things to God the more blessings you receive, I think. I forget that at times and depend on my human life and human decisions too much but I am grateful I finally am reminded to give it up in prayer. Music is my motivation in life. Lyrics to me are fantastic, beautiful expressions and when accompanied by the right background can be so lovely.
So that’s all I have to say for the most part. I want you all, if anyone is reading this, to not give in or give up because something better is always right around the corner. Times get tough, I know that; believe me, I have almost died but I also know times can be beautiful and inspiring. My goal for you and for myself this week will be:
FIND something to inspire you and DO it. Just for a week and see how things go, then try it again but focus on this week. If it’s reading the bible for a week, poetry, or sketching– anything, maybe starting a book you have put off for years, try it. If anything it gives you a distraction from life. I feel we all need a distraction from life. Take it slow. Start with an hour or even just 30 minutes each day increase that time. I will post on how it goes for me and what I choose.