My story doesn’t have an end. Cutting is one way out of dealing with my issues. I haven’t cut for a very long time until yesterday. I am dealing with a lot and my sister’s death 8 years ago this month is weighing heavily on my mind. I wish it hadn’t been her yet rather me. She was happy and I have always been depressed and lost. She would laugh at so much and so hard. She knew when I was sad and would sit with me while I cried. She could make anyone smile. They would give her dirty looks because of her handicap and one smile from her it would instantly change their facial expression to a huge smile. She had a gift for helping others even without speaking.
As for me, I am a lost cause. I have contributed nothing to this world. The only beautiful thing I have made is my daughter. She is so special. She has a great sense of humor and comes up with the most random funny things to say. She isn’t like me, she is more like the rest of the family.
As for me, I am a lost cause. No one understands me. People just feel guilt when I am hurting or cutting. It’s not fair to them. My only fear is after death. Whether or not I would burn in the lake of fire. I am so sick in my head. I don’t know what to do. I don’t talk about this in real life because no one would ever understand.