bipolar · Borderline · Christmas · Depression · Other · Suicide

The Truth

I try to enjoy this time of the year for my daughter, truth is it’s not the first like this. How can you raise a child like I have? I’ve done an awful job and inside she knows but would never say it. She’s too protective of me. Facts are I’ve never had the money to make it special.

I see everyone shopping black Friday sales as well as cyber Monday sales. Those don’t effect me much, but when I have to get some food the Christmas section breaks me down. I don’t know why I look, maybe I’m a masochist but either way Christmas was so special many years ago. It makes me incredibly sad.

I don’t think people know that their friends or neighbors, young and old sit alone and for them it’s just another day. No family, no greeting cards, knowing the past and knowing what most of the world is doing. Missing those far away and those who’ve died.

All I ask for this christmas, are things I can’t have. Love, happiness, and some peace in my mind. Also no more tears and depression causing a heavy feeling in my chest and stomach.

I miss you all, especially you Andy. No more tears.
KJB

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