bipolar · Borderline · Depression · God · Jesus · Other · Other Blogs · Suicide

Grieving of Life

I miss you.
I miss my home,
And I miss my family.
Even if I mean nothing, they mean everything.
I miss you
I miss my new home that I’ve never been.
I miss my new family, that I feel I’ve known for years.

It’s been awhile, I wish I could hug you again, tell you in person you’re my best friend. To always be there, including when you cry because you’re all alone. I miss long hours of conversation, silly movies and crime shows. I want so much to protect you, like you have my whole life. I miss you. So much.

It’s been almost a year and I’ve missed you since 5 minutes from when you left. Everything was so strange, empty, and the loneliness has never left my heart. I relive that last hug, tears and you turning the corner out of my site. I scream inside so often why do I deserve this and when will we reunite. I can talk to you, see you on a screen but I can’t feel your touch or embrace anymore. You are so strong and work so hard for us and it means so much that you love us. Praying is all I have left. I too miss you. Sometimes I feel unheard and afraid not by you alone, but the world. I feel misunderstood by all in my life and those who no longer appear in my life.

Time stopped at some point but I don’t know when. I just get into the fetal position and close my eyes, waiting. I stay there afraid. I’m afraid. God knows I’m afraid. I grieve for so much everyday, every hour and every minute.
KAB 💕

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