(Edit): I wanted to add to this post/entry because I feel things I had typed were misunderstood. I wanted to point out that I said it was my choices and not God’s plan that’s destroying my life. I have underlined the part I’m telling you about. I wanted to share this verse below to show something from the bible that makes a lot of sense, if you feel this position like I have. Amazingly I found it soon, after praying, and reflecting on this ‘reflection’ post. It was nothing short of a message to me from God. I have no doubt in that. We as humans in sin try so hard to figure things out and control our lives. Even a lot of humans try and do control other’s lives! That isn’t faith, in fact it’s the opposite!
Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NIV) – As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
OP: You ever look at yourself in the mirror and see not just your face but deep within your eyes all the mistakes you’ve ever made? Realizing you’ve had no direction and every decision was a mistake. Crying only makes my chest hurt and sobbing while praying because whatever God has planned is destroying your life? Only to get to the place He knows you’ll be happy. Why can’t things be at least calm by now? I’m not a teen or in my 20s. But it’s the choices I’ve made. I’ve tried to stay so damn tough. I’m really having a hard day and I don’t think anyone gets it. Why should they? I’m so over this train ride through disaster. They listen; but don’t care, at the least won’t help. Surviving is the hardest part of life. A song I wanted to share awhile back.:
Enjoy your moments -KatieB