Unending darkness. Where has all the light gone? God please put me out of this pain. 5 months have been thrown out of my window. I thought, rather hoped, that I’d regain my strength. Instead I find myself beat. I find myself slipping, falling, no one reaching for me, into the hole designed for a grave. Not enough medication to take this all away. Not enough words or support if they existed. God save.
Everyone’s unforgiving. Nobody’s listening. Medicate to sleep. Medicate to stop all the pain. Stress induced lack of eating. You’ve annihilated me, you’ve destroyed my heart and you’ve destroyed my hope. So easy to destroy a person.
She’s all gone; it’s all gone. Devotion goes until the abuse continues. So before complete destruction, trauma winning in collaboration, her brain screams- transforming to an outer verbal scream that seems endless. Hopeless and lost, she feels. There’s no recovery in the end; the people and the world just walk away. No one cares about anyone anymore. They cause trauma and walk away because they can move on. The survivor picks up the pieces and most times never recovers. You’ve damaged a human being. It’s killing her yet she continues to do what’s expected of her. Why? I can’t answer that.
Klonopin can be such a rescue in various ways. Yet also a solution in the toughest of tough times. When you are hopeless and have no one to go to. Yes. It’s time. To sleep.
Kaytee (aka) Komodolover