My brain is its worst enemy and when I’m alone, I shouldn’t be left alone.
For those of us with chronic illness/mental illness isolation is not a new situation, it isn’t foreign or new. Unfortunately this is something we’re accustomed to and probably a huge reason we are depressed and feel lost. It’s a sense of loneliness that not many understand. We’re told to brave it, go out and force ourselves to behave like the world behaves but it’s not that simple. Now in this pandemic some people are experiencing the loneliness we with chronic illness understand all too much. The spotlight is on, shining straight onto the truth of isolation and fear.
We fear death, pain, depression, anxiety, fear itself and our own bodies. We die a little inside when we have to say no, die a little when we have to deal with pain and die a little each time we’ve survived a night of intrusive thoughts. We survived that night but another piece is gone. I personally feel my brain losing a little bit here and there each time I pass another episode. From someone who has mental and physical pain I can say they’re different but so very much the same. Feeling different and not being understood nor having our choices understood leads to the lonely isolation. Lighting yourself on fire to some people is better than suffering through the constant agony of the daily pain.
We’ll never know why others choose to not understand and maybe they just can’t. I can say the amnesia will set in after this pandemic is over and once again those isolated will be misunderstood. They’ll be told to stop being so afraid, stop crying over their pain and push through it. We have never learned from history and it will continue to be this way until the world is over. It will end, no doubt about that, we just don’t know when.
To those protesting their isolation; you can’t force the pandemic to end, it has to run its course like everything else in life. We have to take care of ourselves and each other for it to end. I will ask you a rhetorical question. It doesn’t feel good to be forced to feel isolation, to be forced to be unable to work, to be forced to endure depression or anxiety, – does it? Your protests state that plainly. This is our life and no matter what we must endure it every day until we die. You have this temporarily but this is every day life for the broken.
Stay Safe and Stay Well,